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Last updated - Holiday: 27/08/041






Stories...confusingly written...

Andrew Rob Chris

One fine day in Ethiopia Billy Johanson was a cheese cutter and everyday he made tuna sandwiches that were really creamy and sloshy. Chris said "I want your babies, Mrs Thatcher" which totally took him by surprise. So surprised was Mrs Thatcher that was very strange indeed which actually realised Chris was made of banana monkey. Chris smells. Anyhow it happened to be that a passing gypsy ate 10 assvampires that morning which tasted like someone had emptied their bowels into a big cave. It was very scary and dark. Then Chris blew a goat.

The end of the beginning?!? It all started with a fish that one day decided to go to the end of a story which is unusual for Chris not to blow goats. Except when he eventually got there he came across the Atlantic Ocean with a ship made of a few lolly sticks loosly tied together with rubber bands. Every now and then someone named Assvampire (chris) decided to go fishing down in the creek with a banana and a cheese. Chris really really likes lorry loads of interesting cheeses. Sometimes, when nearing the beginning he blows goats, but Chris soon got tired and stopped at the middle. The End.

Rob likes cheese sandwiches, he thinks "Am I the most amazing person on this planet?" So, he decided to go on a trek to the top of the world. Meanwhile, in a complelty different part of the universe, evolution was creatnig a complelty new helicopter with all the hitech things like rotating blades and see-through glass. So he decided to fly to new and exciting places of a Waitrose car park. Amoungst the scattered shopping trolleys and various small woodland mammals lived a long way from the top of the world, so he decided to hurry up and brought a pogo stick from a near-by store that sold many different types of cantaloupe. Chris, on the other hand, spent his time down the local field, harrassing sheep and goats. He really enjoys sheep and goats but that was another story. As he reached the top of the world he saw a goat that chris had not blown. The End.

Dear person/place/item of clothing/nuclear warhead,
It was last week when i noticed a large, hairy banana tree perched on the edge of a cliff. I began to wonder why it was perched there, and why it was not at home. What a strange place to grow, I thought. So I decided to cut the damn thing down. Unsheathing a handy cheese from the scabard I began prodding the growth until it showed a crack right down the centre. It fell down into a passing woodland mammals little handbag, which caused quite a fuss with the local farmers association. Which passed a law banning falling banana trees, especially ones prodded by cheese. As this is very special what are you going to do about my cheese which also blunted when it prodded the tree.
Yours unfortunatly
Mr Elongated Monkey.

I am very scared at the exploding asparagus tree, it smells like rotten eggs which are turquoise and pink inside. One time it nearly did a wet impression of Rory McGreggor, a local pimp who believed that all sheep and goats were entitled to free blowing, provided by Christopher Gordon Glen-Bott. Eric, AKA, Bananaman, was minding his own business when his boobies began to retract into his own chest, and his fingernails begain to disintergrate. Then he ate a rather large sausage, that resembled a big, big potato shaped box of cadbury's Roses, suddenly he transformed into a tiny version of a once large bananaman stalker that liked inspecting large amounts of orange sherbet from across the Atlantic Ocean, a mere walk away from the white expanse that is sherbet world. So thinking of his most favourite flavour he dived into the (Rob cheated -andrew)warm liquid goo that surrounded the entire island where the cheese fleas bit large, inflatable, plastic, chewy, potato smelling and cabbage tasting wildlife. Meanwhile, chris blows goats in Rob's fantasies, which also involves Pete. Anyhow Andy was pleasuring a sandwich by chewing on its bit, he found a large deposit of seamen in a kettle he lost whilst adventuring around in the pants that he lost in the Artic. The end?
PS. I don't blow goats everyday...
Bond will return.

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