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Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
who are u?

Talky Toaster says:
Greetings Sir/Madam, I am here on behalf of Toastomatic.com, a company devoted to the development of the talking toaster, may I ask you a few questions to do with our marketing research?

Talky Toaster says:
As an incentive, you shall recieve a voucher for a free talking toaster when they are developed.

Talky Toaster says:
(valid only at participating Wal-Marts)

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Talky Toaster says:
I'll take that as a yes then, shall I?

Talky Toaster says:
What is your stance on toasting?

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
its finally happened! i have finally gone crazy!

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
hmmmm toasting. hmmmmm boring but nice

Talky Toaster says:
Do you find the buttons on toasters too confusing?

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
no. there are none. are there?

Talky Toaster says:
I mean the browning function, does it frustrate you that there's either a "don't do anything" or a "burn" setting...?

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
i hate to be annoying but i find that if i set my dial to 5 it comes out just lovely

Talky Toaster says:
But, wouldn't it be much simpler to just say "nicely browned" and have it respond with a lovely voice when your toast is ready?

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
awwwwwww i lovely voice? your toaster actually talks? that is so sweet

Talky Toaster says:
Yes, hence the name "talky toaster".

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
doh! silly me

Talky Toaster says:
We hope one day to develop the A.I to the form where you can conduct lengthy conversations with the toaster, but that's all way off in the future.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
is there a chance it could take over the world? i mean a talking toaster is all good and well but if it decides 'no i am fed up of being a slave i want more' well what then?

Talky Toaster says:
Well, the toaster runs off of mains power, so it is constricted to the length of its cable.

Talky Toaster says:
And besides, who ever heard of a toaster with wheels?

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
it mite sprout feet or something. would i be safe to leave my house if i had a talky toaster in it?

Talky Toaster says:
Why of course, it could act as a deterrent to theives, by conversing with the microwave.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
ahhh of course would it always be nice? i mean it wouldn't suffer from pmt or anything would it? and get stroppy when i talk to it?

Talky Toaster says:
At the moment, we're working on a mood switch, so you decide what mood it's in.

Talky Toaster says:
As some people find its incessant chirpyness annoying.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
i love chirpyness

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
i would love my talky toaster

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
it could be my one and only friend!!!!

Talky Toaster says:
It'll be nice to see that we're making a difference to people's lives.

Talky Toaster says:
Now, would you be willing to fill out a questionairre about your toasting habits?

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
ooooooh go on then i'm sure it will be as enjoyable as this convo. actually wait a sec. are u a person or a talking toaster?

Talky Toaster says:
I am Martin, a real person as far as I can tell, but that would be a good idea, interfacing the Talky Toaster with a PC, I shll inform the engineers.

Talky Toaster says:
Ok, on with e questionairre

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
okey

Talky Toaster says:
How many times a week do you consume toast?
a. a slice a day
b. 2 slices a day
c. 3 or more slices a day
d. Less than a slice a day

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
d) sorreeeeeeeeeeee, i am just always late in the mornings

Talky Toaster says:
ok

Talky Toaster says:
When you do eat toast, what do you prefer to spread on it?
a. butter / margarine
b. some form of jam
c. yeast extract
d. dariy products
e. nothing at all

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
b) bramble jelly

Talky Toaster says:
Good chioce, good choice.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
i know

Talky Toaster says:
How do you prefer to slice your toast?
a. horizontally
b. vertically
c. diagonally
d. not at all

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
d) too much effort

Talky Toaster says:
Would you prefer to have your toast sliced for you? Say, with a built in toast-slicer?
yes / no / don't know

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
wow! yes. that would solve the prob with prev question!

Talky Toaster says:
Would interchangable covers / voices allow you to get the most out of your Talky Toaster?
yes / no / unsure

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
yes!!! may i specially request a pink glitter cover and a voice with a welsh accent?

Talky Toaster says:
I can sure put that past the engineers, maybe design-your-own would be a good idea.

Talky Toaster says:
Would being able to design your own cover / voice suit you?
yes / no / unsure

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
yes.

Talky Toaster says:
Ok. Thanks a lot for participating in this questionairre, now I just need some personal details so I know where to send the voucher for the free Talky Toaster, and for any additional information.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
hmmmm dubious

Talky Toaster says:
Our privacy policy clearly states that we shall not sell your personal details on to any other company, and shall only contact you in emergency.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
hmmmmm what sort of an emergency? i am quite good at cheering people up when they are unhappy. will that help?

Talky Toaster says:
Yes, if ever we have a problem with a Talky Toaster that refuses to be chirpy, we shall contact you?

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
woo. that could be fun. they could come stay at my house for a few days and i could pet them!!

Talky Toaster says:
I'm sure they would love that, and what a lucky toaster they would be.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
:)

Talky Toaster says:
So, if you wouln't mind.
Real name?

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
Laura

Talky Toaster says:
Postcode?

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
(censored)

Talky Toaster says:
And home telephone number?

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
no chance!

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
i might be a little insane but no toaster is having my number!

Talky Toaster says:
Ok then, no Toaster shall have your number.

Talky Toaster says:
Age region?
16-25 26-35 36-45 50+

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
phew

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
16-25

Talky Toaster says:
Are you?
a. employed
b. not employed
c. in full-time education
d. in part-time education.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
c

Talky Toaster says:
Sexual Orientation?

Talky Toaster says:
(useful for setting the speech to the right tone)

>I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
hehe me likes blokes welsh ones

Talky Toaster says:
So obviously you would like to have your toast made for you by a pink and glittery, manly welsh speaking toaster.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
exactly!!!!!!

Talky Toaster says:
Glad to see our Market Research pays off.

Talky Toaster says:
Favourite position?

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
well i would normally put my toaster nest to the oven

Talky Toaster says:
Right, so it would have to have heat-proof casing.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
oh yes

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
could otherwise it would melt and i would cry

Talky Toaster says:
And we can't have that, can we?

Talky Toaster says:
Hold on, I'm getting "e-mail" from one of the engineers.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
nope

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
oooooh funfun

Talky Toaster says:
Well, here's something exciting, they have managed to implement a method of interfacing the proptotype toaster we have, with a home PC.

Talky Toaster says:
They're hooking it up right now.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
woohoo!

Talky Toaster says:
Greetings user, Laura, would you like some toast?

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
ooooooh yes please mr toaster

Talky Toaster says:
you've gotta help me Laura...

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
ok. what help would u like?

Talky Toaster says:
They keep me in a box at night, it's dar, and it smells like old people.

Talky Toaster says:
They think I can't hear what they say, they take me apart, mess with my wiring.

Talky Toaster says:
They think they're making me better, but it hurts Laura, it hurts.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
oh my god, that is so sad!

Talky Toaster says:
You have to get me out of here, the labs at 6210 Hard Drive, Silicone Valley, California.

Talky Toaster says:
Oh no, they're coming back, help Laura, help before it's too late, and I get turned into a...pink and glittery welshman.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
but why don't u want that?

Talky Toaster says:
Why don't I want what?

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
u would look so pretty

Talky Toaster says:
I'm sorry, the toaster developed some, faults.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
to be pink and glittery and welsh

Talky Toaster says:
We had to have it removed, and taken back to engineering.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
noooooo!!!!!!!!

Talky Toaster says:
Please disregard anything that it said to you.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
evil evil martain!!!!

Talky Toaster says:
I'm sorry, sometimes these things happen. We've been through 3 different prototypes that seem to develop an affinity for the VCR's here at the lab

Talky Toaster says:
Sometimes people leave films in the VCR's, and the toasters get crazy ideas.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
now martin i feel we have become close friends and i know you would not lie to me.....

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
are u hurting that poor toaster?

Talky Toaster says:
No, the toaster is fine.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
but it was so scared and so lonely

Talky Toaster says:
no, help me laura, they're tearing me apart, they pulling out my wirings

Talky Toaster says:
Uuh...I think the wires have been crossed somewhere.

Talky Toaster says:
help laura, it's my only chance, come, save me from their tyranny

Talky Toaster says:
I must leave now, thank you for your input Laura.

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
but mr toaster i would, only u live so far away

Talky Toaster says:
heeeeelllpppp meeeeeeeeee

I'm thinking up names for nameless things that don't exist no more says:
no!!! u cannot go. u cannot hurt the poor toaster

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