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Townies

In reply to James's advice on shouting at "townies", I would like to tell you that they WILL chase you,because even if you so much as breath in the air around them they will run after you shouting,"He breathed in our cider aromered air,let's kill him"

I have three examples of this(all of which happened in about a month before we knew how to avoid them):

(For legal reasons I have changed the people's names beyond recognition)

1).We had just been to Ansdell and after half an hour of watching about 20 people speeding outside kelly's in their metro's we started to walk back to school.We see some townies from year 10 and proceeded to take the piss.A fat one said,"Oi wot r u lookin at".We walk round the corner and Riss Stovens said,"You,you fat bastard!".They then started to chase us(when I say they,I mean that gay one in our year.the one who's cousin is that fit girl.u no the 1)as me and Ien Sampson and Adim Mettosin turned around Lei Ormitage and Riss legged it back to scool and left us lot for that gay 1 who tried to hit (on) us.

2).We had just had another exciting time in Ansdell and were walking back when we spot three townies about 17-18.They gave us funny looks so we tried not to make eye contact.We all tried not to do it but as we were holding it in Duvid Hayes caught a glimpse of one of them with their yellow socks tucked into their red tracksuit and it slipped out."TOWNIES", was the cry that could be heard within a 2 mile radius of us.As I thought to myself,"We are in deep shite",Ien and Duvid started running and i was left behind.I said,"It's ok there not chasing us".How wrong was I.As I looked around the corner I saw a blur of brightly coloured polyester running towards me.If I had had enough time i would have crapped myself, but as i didn't i ran very very very fast past ien and duvid almost knocking myself out on a lamp-post and i caught up with lei and riss who had gone the other way from ansdel.I thought we had lost them but their cleverness surprised us as we were trapped in a pinsor type movement outside the primary school.As there was about 8 of us and 3 of them two of them backed off but 1 still came over and slapped ien(which was very funny)

3).This time we were on our way to ansdell when we spotted the best combination of a townie ever.A ginger haired,skinhead townie with a liverpool accent listening to dance music.WOW.I went temporarily blind as I saw all the possible insults flowing through my mind.I was just about to pass out when I was saved by riss who made a simple but very affective comment."His music's crap isn't it".As we left he ran up to us and started on riss with,"Are you hassling my music?".We then saw a number of dangerous utensils in his garden such as an axe, a hammer and a screwdriver(ouch) so we walked away from him very slowly.

I hope you enjoyed my strange but true stories of how a seemingly normal situation can spiral out of control when a townie is present.My advice is if you see a townie only shout if:

a: there are more of you than them.
b: they have been drinking cider.
c: you are outside the range of townieness.(this varies according to size, clothes and intake of cider)

So take care of yourselves and keep up that piss-taking.They will realise sooner or later just what they look like and that cider damages their brain cells.

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