Ah, in the spirit of all things jovial today I decided to parody Rob's Warhammer battle report, by kinda doing it, for real. Well, that's my excuse anyway. Actually I just decided to fill some empty beer cans full of water, add some red food colouring and shoot them. Which was nice.
So, to set the scene. It's a warm, but breezy summerish day. Birds are tweeting, neighbours rummaging around loudly in their garages, and people going about their daily business. That is, before the evil beer cans of wrath appear and begin a reign of terror, killing innocent civilians, and pouring themselves down the throats of hapless passers-by.
Suddenly out of nowhere, a band of three evil beer cans appears, and prepares an ambush on two witless civilians...
As the witless civilians stare at a particulary nice looking crack in the pathway, the beer cans make a move.
Look out, he's gonna jump...
After a failed ambush, the beer cans retreat to their woodland hideout, which, by some unfortunate twist of fate, also appears to be the villages shooting target.
As you can see, they are quite, quite unaware of the revenge about to be exacted upon them, by revenge-seeking civilains of AndrewOnlinesville.
Just a note, my garden is infact 7 acres in length, so these pictures taken with a telescopic camera lens...
The villagers gather their weaponry together, the best they can find...a carrot and a bicycle pump.
Yes, a carrot and a bicycle pump.
As you can see, the carrot didn't do much damage.
Infact, the can actually did more damage to the carrot than the carrot the can...
Shame, it was a really nice carrot aswell...
Seeing as the carrot wasn't producing the results desired, I attempted the old, "inflate the can with a bicycle pump until it pops" trick.
Alas, this did not work. Neither did beating it.
So, we decided to use something a bit more meatier.
Wow, somehow I managed to stay in the exact same position for longer than 10 seconds, a new record...for me anyway.
The town's two best sharpshooters, Farmer Chris, and Godly Andrew.
Get orf moi land...
Fans of Final Fantasy 8 may recognise this pose...
Shot one - Andrew. Hitting the can towards the bottom, the pellet fires the can up into the air, spraying its precious life-blood into the surrounding area. 1 down, 2 to go.
Bleed evil being, your time has passed.
The view from boring-cam.
Shot 2 - Farmer Chris.
Straight through the can, in one side, out the other. Superficious damage.
As you can see, the evil can lives to fight another ambush.
In preparation for the ensuing onslaught, villagers sharpen bits of wood, to create pointy sticks, with which to poke.
Technologically sound villagers at that...
Shot 3 - Andrew.
One tries to make a break for it.
But is soon scared back into place...
Scenes of utter devastation. Won't somebody think of the children?
Boring cam shows, that, 2 down, 1 to go.
Going for the stealthy approach, shot 4 - Andrew.
Completly missing on the stealthy shot, the carrot is thrown the 7 acres, to bounce off a dead can carcass...
The carrot's that orange thing, if you're too thick to realise...
Seeing that the cans are fighting for a "good" cause, the treacharous carrot joins with the cans of much evil, and gives the villagers a gesture at his displeasure in being thrown.
Shot 5 - Farmer Chris. Bleed, evil can, the carrot can not harm you now.
The carrot, still barely alive, crawls for safety...
But, as Farmer Chris approaches in his golf-buggy, it is picked up, and strewn back amongst the wreckage.
Oops, forgot to turn these...Farmer Chris, going for the easy kill, assasination, gangland style.
Ssh...I'm huntin wabbits...
Got em, *insert evil sounding laugh here*
If I didn't know better, I'd think the Blair Witch had been here, sacrificing virgins or something...
A scene of devastation, of the utter variety...