The official Andrew:Online Bag Over Head Awards 2002...

As I was perusing the "FHM 100 sexiest women", on recommendations from various people, I came across people that could only be described as "scary". I figured, that a good old paper bag over the head would cure these people. So I set up a panel of celebrity judges, and set them loose on 13 pictures of these "sexy" "women"...
The judges were asked to provide a comment, and a mark out of 10 for in-need-of-bagness...0 being "bag not needed" and 10 being "get yourself to safeway, dear"...

Ali Larter
Pete Says : erm, that top does nothing for her......and she kinda looks old. Who actually is she ???? 7
Devin Says : 7 crappy hair
DJMatt Says : ewwww, munter!!! 9/10
Laura Says : 8 - cos she's scary
Anna Friel
Pete Says : were not living in the 70's ok....either sort your hair out bint or cover ureself up with a rather large PVC BAG ! 8
Devin Says : 4 flat boobs
DJMatt Says : hrmm, 6/10
Laura Says : 7 - not quite as scary
Anna Kournikova
Pete Says : Nah she can do without the Bag......blonde, young, and sporty........she can have a thumbs up, i suppose 4
Devin Says : 2 no comment...lovely hair though
DJMatt Says : 7/10. fit body, new face required.
Laura Says : 6 - looks like an ickle kiddie...
Denise Richards
Pete Says : Lara Croft wannabe........she is NOT Lara Croft so she should be bagged up just for the crime of such a cheap immitation. I like the flicky out hair tho....not sure about the action hero Bruce Willis vest type thingy...... :( 9
Devin Says : 6 dunno
DJMatt Says : looks scary in that pic, but looks like she has muchos potential, nice eyes as well , 2/10
Laura Says : 9 - cos she did silly advert
Halle Berry
Pete Says : not quite my bag of sardines.......ud think being gay that id go for the manly looking woman....but NOT in this case.....grow your hair, or purchase a nice paper bag from Booths.......im sure you can afford it with your large salery.... 10
Devin Says : 5 ...
DJMatt Says : howww did she gettttt into this top 100 ...ewwww 10/10
Laura Says : 9 - cos she looks scarily like a bloke
Holly Valance
Pete Says : Ah well.....she can do without a bag........shes nice, plus she was in neighbours which is a good enough reason in itself.........im sure her labels popping out of her nickers tho.......silly girl 3
Devin Says : 5 ish...dunno
DJMatt Says : neighbours sister steph is so much fitter as I've said since they came into the show ages ago, but hey, shes still quite fit. 3/10
Laura Says : 7 - cos she has a scary chin
Kylie
Pete Says : yey yey yey yey........its NO BAG FOR KYLIE..........shes beautiful for her age, her music rocks, she was also in neighbours, she wears funky clothes.....and i just cant get her outa my head..........hehehehe (hmmm, spot the kylie reference). Who else looks that good at that age.........and DONT say Cher ! (oh chers about twice kylies age anyway...) 2
Devin Says : 4 sorry, in hurry
DJMatt Says : 10/10. we only need the arse.
Laura Says : 7 - shes old and has a fake bum
Lisa Maffia
Pete Says : Stupid Cow....shes an ugly J-lo wannabe who sings with a buncha "black nigger nigger hos" and she deserves the be put in a thick lined bag...........perhaps a body-bag 10 +
Devin Says : 6 kinda rushin here..like her hair
DJMatt Says : looks very stoned on that pic, but neway i think i'd rather cut my arms and legs off than go with her without a bag.. 10/10
Laura Says : 6 - not quite as scary as most of the others
Nicole Kidman
Pete Says : Pretty pretty pretty...........she looks great, got a great personality, and also does kewl films........plus i loved her dress sence in Titanic. Wait.......no.......that was Kate Winslet. Ah wot the hell...nicoles a beauty........ 1
Devin Says : 4 nice, i guess
DJMatt Says : pasty pasty pasty 6/10
Laura Says : 7 - scary but cool :-)
Ali Larter
Salma Hayek
Pete Says : hehehe shes got eyebrows like mine..........need i say more ?????????? Give me a "B", give me an "A", give me a "G".......wots it spell.........."Salma Hayek" !!! 7
Devin Says : 7 hoe
DJMatt Says : not too bad. 5/10
Laura Says : 9 - scary eyebrows and odd boobs
Sophie Ellis-Bextor
Pete Says : i suppose a very thin, transparent bag wouldnt go a miss...........im sure itd reflect the light and make her cheekbones seem somewhat normal from a certain angle. Good music tho........and she IS pretty......just unique too. "Go go go go go go get over u.....u drive me crazy up the wall..blah blah blah !!!" 4
Devin Says :
DJMatt Says : yay! i love sophie! actually she looks quite fit in that pic as well! 0/10 !
Laura Says : 0 - cos she kicks ass
Susie Amy
Pete Says : should she not be in "Playgirl"............oops, kudda sworn she was male; found myself getting quite excited there for a miniute...hehehe JOKE !!!!! Bring out the BAG !!!!! 10+
Devin Says :
DJMatt Says : EEEEEEEEEEEK im scared!!! 10/10
Laura Says : 8 - very manly (not as much as halle, however)
Tina Barrett
Pete Says : S CLUB 7 Rock.........and she gets to sing and Dance with PAUL.......which makes her sexy.....cos hes a fox........it all works in sum sort of paralell dimension, if you get my drift..... NO BAGS please !!!!! 3
Devin Says :
DJMatt Says : has some ugly bird put her face over a fit birds body with photoshop? 10/10
Laura Says : 8 - cos she can't act, dance , sing, or generally look cool

And so, in conclusion of this incredibly shallow social experiment, we have found that the woman that requires Matt to remove both his arms, and legs, is also the woman that most requires a paper bag. Coincidence then that this abomination of nature is also in the abomination of decent music everywhere - the "so solid crap", oh, sorry "crew"...

Sadly, Sophie Ellis-Bextor was voted the least-needy-of-baggage...so there...

Pictures courtesy (not really...I didn't even ask) of FHM.co.uk.